anger, rage and healing

I really believe that all of us have a lot of darkness in our souls. Anger, rage, fear, sadness. I don’t think that’s only reserved for people who have horrible upbringings. I think it really exists and is part of the human condition. I think in the course of your life you figure out ways to deal with that.

 – Kevin Bacon

In the course of our lives, we hope that we figure out ways to deal with the “anger, rage, fear, sadness” that we all feel.

I have written previously about grief. In some ways, I feel as if some of our fear, anger, and rage is rooted in the sadness of the unfelt, inexperienced grief. It is also worth mentioning here, that anger and rage also have connections to, if not deeper roots, in fear.

Many of us were taught to be “good”; to behave, to not say a “cross word” or to “keep our thoughts to ourselves.” When we are not in nurturing environments, where we are invited to talk about our feelings – whatever they may be – we generally put them away. We essentially bury them. We sure don’t believe rage is good….or that we are capable of feeling anything as intense and ugly in its display as that. Right?

Did you know that these buried feelings leak out? Did you know they find their way to the surface of our experiences – to the light of day, through the words we speak, the sharp judgment of others or the actions we take? Oh, how we wish they would remain buried…deeply buried in the dark recesses of the past. No one wants to dredge up all that stuff, right?

 

It would be impossible to estimate how much time and energy we invest in trying to fix, change and deny our emotions – especially the ones that shake us at our very core, like hurt, jealousy, loneliness, shame, rage and grief.

 – Debbie Ford

There are many ways in which the unexpressed, the unfelt or unspoken feelings manifest within. Depression. Chronic headaches. Hives or other breakouts. Stomach ulcers. Excessive weight gain.

How do we unleash this dark monster that lies so deep within us? How do we acknowledge all of these feelings, express all of this anger and process all of our grief?

There are so many ways to do the extremely important work of healing ourselves. And for each individual, what will ultimately facilitate the effective and successful reclaiming of oneself, is different. It’s also important to remember that it is a process, and not a one time fix.

Meditating, guided meditations, extensive journaling, screaming into pillows, beating our fists into pillows, talk therapy, crying all of those tears which have been held back for so very long, and the list goes on. There are many ways to embark upon this path. Taking responsibility for our healing is one of the greatest gifts we give ourselves…and others. When the breakthrough begins, we may notice that we have found more energy. We may find a part of ourselves that we didn’t even know we were missing. We find that compassion toward and acceptance of others where THEY are is so much easier.

How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all.

 – Clarissa Pinkola Estes

This is the work of our lives. May you be blessed as you take those first sacred steps into the beauty that the darkness will unveil.

Love is always a heartbeat away…literally.

Breathe.

13 thoughts on “anger, rage and healing

  • So true. Sometimes we have little control over how or when the buried rage or guilt emerges. Having the courage to face it head on and with the help of a wonderful counselor, the feelings are expressed in a healthy manner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Indeed! I believe in the “buddy system” when the waters we enter are very deep. Having been a “buddy” on both sides, I know and appreciate the importance of partnership in navigating these challenging, yet rewarding, circumstances.

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  • Wonderful post, Carrie. ❤ I have been going through some major changes this past year (something I hope to write about soon if I can find the time and courage), and those changes have put me through my paces in terms of learning where my anger and rage hide in my thoughts, emotions, and body. For me, kundalini yoga has helped in the releasing of so much of this energy, including old fears. It wasn't until I started this that I realized how much I hold in my physical body (even though I thought I knew about the connection between illness and emotions from all the reading I do but reading is one thing, actually feeling is quite another). One of the major bonuses of this work of healing, and the issue(s) that brought it on for me, is that I don't hold back my feelings anymore. At first I blurted without thinking, something that I don't recommend. Now I've learned to pause, take some deep breaths, and to come up with a nice way of saying what needs to be said. I'm not perfect at it. Some blurting still occurs. But I am better at it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Robin. I continue to be amazed at the places that anger and indecision live in me. I met the buried rage in me a few years ago. It was initially very scary and then I realized how important it was that I was finally FEELING it. I totally agree with you about reading being one thing and feeling being another. Once we make the great leap into allowing ourselves to really feel what we feel and be ok with it, the road ahead is easier, in many ways, to navigate. Healing the “be a good girl” voice in my head by embracing what is opposite (the “bad girl” voice) has brought freedom within that I could not have imagined. Thank you very much for your comment. You’ve added even more to what I wrote in the post. 🙏🏻💕

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  • Thank you Carrie. This IS the work of our lives. When I visited family recently, a whole bunch of unsettling emotions came up. It doesn’t take much to trigger the injured vulnerable child within. I’ve done a lot of therapy work with my past. I’ve found understanding and given forgiveness to others and myself…. yet the healing continues whenever we face the pain of others that projects into our lives.
    Thank you for this post. It touches me deeply 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Anita. I agree with you. And, it took me a while to acknowledge and embrace the multiple aspects of my darkness. I am reminded today, that what we resist, persists. That, of course includes the power of unacknowledged, unseen and unfelt feelings of fear, in its many forms.

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