Category: Pace of Change

live this question

Carrie Cannady

Have you ever read something that just won’t let you go? It happens to me frequently. Passages in a book which resonate or stay with me are written in a book journal that I keep. Not every book that I read has passages that I wish to commit to memory – or to my book journal – but those that do are written in a book that I return to from time to time, to remember and reflect. It’s a great way to carry in your heart the essence of a book long after you’ve read it and put it on a shelf or passed it along to someone else. Writing these passages in a journal is a meditation itself.

I have several books, that I’ve collected over the years, which offer daily readings. I keep them and move from one to the other throughout the course of a year. I feel I receive wonderful reminders, ideas for contemplation, appreciation for things I had forgotten, etc. And by moving from one book to another, I have an opportunity to hear from different voices – authors who have devoted significant time in their lives to creating the passages, sharing the wisdom and awareness in these books.

The passage below is from a book that I discovered a few months ago. The December 21 entry is one that I feel drawn to and have read twice a day nearly every day since. I feel that it captures so much of what I am feeling now, and have been for quite a long period of time. I had not found words to describe the way I felt and what I knew –  the challenge of finding a middle place to be with all of the sorrow, suffering and devastation that so many are experiencing.

If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?

– Percy Bysse Shelley

I am an incorrigible optimist. I’m aware of the threats that surround us, but I haven’t lost my faith. I haven’t lost my hope. And I haven’t lost my confidence that people working together harmoniously can bring about a change for the better in the world that our children will grown up in.

It’s not for governments to improve our lives. It is for each individual to ask himself or herself, “Should I continue to make things which destroy life, or can I lend my expertise and my experience to benefit life, to help life?”

We get discouraged because we don’t see life as it is. We feel we can’t make a difference because we don’t see things as they really are. When we see life as it is, when we see people as they are, all sorrow will fall away, all suffering will come to an end. This is the great message of all religions. When we see life as it is, all sorrow falls away.

From – Words to Live By: Daily Inspiration for Spiritual Living, by Eknath Easwaran: December 21, p. 380.

I find so much here.

I care deeply about so much and I find the times we have been in for the last many years, and in particular the one we are in now, to be painfully difficult when I consider all who have been or are hurting. I am often drawn to the news to see if things have happened to support those who need it most. And I know that I must step away from it. I cannot unsee things I’ve seen and I cannot forget much of what I’ve read, as it relates to the pandemic, the multitudes of losses of life, income, homes, access to necessities in a country that supposedly is so wealthy. 

As I focus on the second paragraph of the above writing, I feel as if there are many answers there for each and everyone of us. Will all, who have the power and resources to help large numbers of people, find this question and take it to heart? Not likely. However, all of us who read this, might consider asking it of ourselves and then asking the question of four or five people that we know, and then asking them to do the same. I wonder what could happen if we all asked ourselves:

“Should I continue to make things which destroy life, or can I lend my expertise and my experience to benefit life, to help life?”

I already know there are many who will shrug this off as being useless as they are not involved in anything that destroys life. I would argue that each and everyone of us participates in an aspect of this when we do not care for ourselves, or we utter a judgmental word or phrase to ourselves or antlers about yet another human. There are many things we do that contribute to destroying life rather than benefiting or helping life.

Yes…it’s one of those questions. One that has a different answer each and every time we ask it of ourselves.

Let’s keep asking it anyway. The changes we make as a result of asking are so very important. And if we are serious about “…bringing about change for the better in the world that our children will grow up in,” how can we not attempt to ask ourselves this question, again and again and again?

We must live the question.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
― Rainer Maria Rilke

 

Photo of Blackwater Falls near Davis, WV, by Locos Photos.

 

 

 

essay – reflect

Carrie Cannady

As we approach the Winter Solstice, I feel it is a good time for reflection. Typically we, who write in these spaces, often tend to write on or before or shortly after the new calendar year. In looking back, I’ve written here in at least one of each of these.

This year feels different. In fact, I feel that writing just before the Solstice, and beginning to review and reflect on the last year – no, for me, the last several years – is the proper time.

It is said everywhere, in conversations with mask-covered faces, or screens across the many miles and time zones, or splashed across the news and social media, that 2020 is unlike any we’ve seen. And when something else unusual happens, we say, “Well, it’s 2020.” I have said it myself, even as I know that deep inside my version of what 2020 seems to have become for so many, is a period much longer than one year…and actually resulted in preparing me well for this one.

As we move toward the Winter Solstice and the beginning of the natural new year, reflecting on what we have seen, felt, learned; where we have offered a hand or resources to the many who find themselves suddenly lacking various necessities – whether food, shelter or someone to listen to them – feels even more compelling and important than ever before.

~~~~

The last several years in my country have been extremely challenging. I’ve only recently begun to appreciate the heightened level of my anxiety and my hyped up nervous system for what it was. It’s as if I now see, in retrospect, how my body was responding to the various conditions here. Feeling as deeply as I do, I was unsure at times just how much of what I was feeling was mine and how much of it was from the collective anxiety that so many are beginning to admit now, to having felt. Although we are not fully beyond threatening and possible challenges, I do feel we are moving toward healing. There may still be a few more bumps in the road…and we are still on the road toward something different. For that I am deeply grateful.

I’ve wondered, at times, at the amount of anxiety and stress that I have carried in my body. Some of it, I could chalk up to having spent my career in public service. Many of those years I worked “close to the flame” as a trusted leader once said. The closer to the flame, the sooner you burn out. That, indeed was true for me. One particular administration was extremely challenging to work in and led me to plan an early retirement at age 50. As I watch former colleagues and friends begin to leave their service now, I understand.

Leaving when I did created an opportunity to  become more aware of my extreme sensitivity, and just how thick the armor was that I wore in my 30s, 40s and early 50s. Another type of freedom awaits, we we begin to peel one level of armor off at a time. Embracing feeling…rediscovering the safety of vulnerability… and finding our courage.

~~~~

The pandemic has created so many opportunities for us to have a long, deep look at ourselves and just how we react or respond to our environment and the changes therein. How many have taken the opportunity this has  – and still is – offered is unknown. I have watched as many have resisted, and done everything possible to keep their lives in the mode of their individually created normal, while others have softened into the change, following the suggestions made by epidemiological experts to adhere to new, different and seemingly unusual guidance. Why do any of this? Because we are being asked to care for and consider safety for ourselves and of others as well. The collective of humanity…ALL of us…is counting on the other.

It comes as no surprise then, that our country is in a pretty sad place. All of our seemingly well hidden secrets have been laid bare. Mind you, these secrets were not secret to those who have suffered for years and years and years while many more climbed the wealth ladder, stepping on the fingers of so may who kept trying, against all odds, to make it up one or two rungs, in order to create a different life for themselves or their families. And here we are…

Many still resist what we are seeing. Seeing the reality rather than participating in the myth is an opportunity to make necessary change. How many really see the opportunities before us, and how many are continuing to resist?

~~~~

It is clearer than ever that we cannot teach anything that others are unwilling yet, to see and learn. In fact, when we finally come face to face with our own suffering, rather than continuing to outrun it, we fall to our knees, or we reach out, or we scream in pain hoping that someone will hear us.

This morning, as I do most mornings, I read a daily meditation, written by Fr. Richard Rohr. This morning the title of his daily writing, “Letting Go is Liberation”, feels timely. For the many who are afraid of letting go of the reality they’ve created, deeply fearful that something might be lost, this title offers a different way to consider what letting go is really all about. He is such an amazing writer and I appreciate the majority of what he writes. As I continue to heal much of what I was exposed to in the religion of my early life, I experience most of his writing as transcendent of dogma and more universal, and welcoming and healing.

In this piece, he offers six kinds of liberation. You can find today’s meditation here. You can also sign up to receive them each day on the same page. It’s worth a few moments of your time to read and reflect on where you find yourself. There is always more to realize (real eyes).

~~~~

As we move closer to the Solstice, I feel it is also important to consider the deep and long shadows that we have an opportunity to take a look at. I recently offered a short post on the shadow here. Shadow work is so important. I also saw the quote in my inbox this morning:

“The keys to freedom are in your shadow.”

 – Danielle LaPorte

Finally, the upcoming Solstice is unique. The Great Conjunction, as it is called, also occurs on that day. As the planets, Saturn and Jupiter enter the constellation of Aquarius (Air sign), and in so doing offer an opportunity for a beautiful spectacle in the sky, maybe…just maybe, we will all begin to liberate ourselves from so much of what we continue to drag around, and open our hearts to look deeply into our shadows – or continue to do so – and breathe, deeply.

Blessings to all for whatever holiday you honor and celebrate. May the new year bring us all more love, peace and expressions of compassion to other sentient beings.

With gratitude to Loco’s Photos. I remain grateful for the permission to share these amazing and beautiful photos.

 

 

shadow

Carrie Cannady

“It’s always standing right behind us, just out of view. In any direct light, we cast a shadow. The shadow is a psychological term for everything we can’t see in ourselves.

Most of us go to great lengths to protect our self-image from anything unflattering or unfamiliar. And so it’s easier to observe another’s shadow before acknowledging one’s own shadow.

Exploring your shadow can lead to greater authenticity, creativity, energy, and personal awakening. This introspective process is essential for reaching mature adulthood (which is rarer than most think).

The shadow is the “dark side” of our personality because it consists chiefly of primitive, negative human emotions and impulses like rage, envy, greed, selfishness, desire, and the striving for power.

All we deny in ourselves—whatever we perceive as inferior, evil, or unacceptable—become part of the shadow.

Anything incompatible with our chosen conscious attitude about ourselves relegates to this dark side.

The personal shadow is the disowned self. This shadow self represents the parts of us we no longer claim to be our own, including inherent positive qualities.

These unexamined or disowned parts of our personality don’t go anywhere. Although we deny them in our attempt to cast them out, we don’t get rid of them.

So what happens to all the parts of ourselves we sweep out of view?

Whatever qualities we deny in ourselves, we see in others.

In psychology, this is called projection. We project onto others anything we bury within us.

If, for example, you get irritated when someone is rude to you, it’s a good bet you haven’t owned your own rudeness.”

excerpted from A Complete Guide to Getting to Know Your Darker Half by Scott Jeffrey; https://scottjeffrey.com/

As challenging as it is to watch what is happening in the US, I’m reminded of a few things. One, what we see here, we’ve seen in other countries, and it’s visible in some surprising ways now. Two, and what is apparent to me, is that we are coming to a reckoning with the sleeping giant, the underbelly, which has been awakened and enlivened here. The shadow of our country has been buried for long enough. To quote Leonard Cohen,

“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”

I know I am not alone in wondering to myself and often aloud to trusted friends, “What can I do?”

I feel there is an unspoken imperative to move as swiftly as possible toward healing all of the country’s wounds. These painful wounds have occurred for many generations, and it will take many to heal them. We have to begin. Beginning is an imperative. If we are to survive, in this country and on this planet, we must begin.

Until and unless we face our own shadows, those disowned parts of ourselves which hold our buried shame, painful experiences, and traumas, we will have little or nothing to add to the collective healing. We will otherwise add what is hidden…and unconscious.

It’s easy to share posts and memes on social media which talk about healing, or the need to do it. It’s hard to actually do the work.

The cracks in the foundations of our democracy have been there from the beginning…and so that light has continued to shine – to some degree. Still, we have so much more that must be tended to…and it begins with each one of us.

The above mentioned website can be a start. There are several authors whose work is mentioned or cited in the writings there.

“There is no light without shadow and no psychic wholeness without imperfection.” – Carl Jung

where we are

Carrie Cannady

It is startling that we desperately hold on to what makes us miserable. Our own woundedness becomes a source of perverse pleasure and fixes our identity. We do not want to be cured, for that would mean moving into the unknown. Often it seems we are destructively addicted to the negative. What we call the negative is usually the surface form of contradiction. If we maintain our misery at the surface level, we hold off the initially threatening but ultimately redemptive and healing transfiguration that comes through engaging our inner contradiction. We need to revalue what we consider to be negative.

John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

This passage in John O’Donohue’s book provided an opportunity for me to pause. In that moment, as I considered the latest news about what is happening here in the US, I couldn’t help but wonder how many of us can see where we are.

It’s as if we are sitting in the midst of a battle royale for the very soul of what this country was founded on nearly 244 years ago. The dark underbelly which has perpetuated division and all manner of negativity for aeons has been exposed in fairly stark terms against the powerful backdrop of a deadly pandemic. Yet, there are some who are not sure what they see, or are afraid of what it may mean to really see it for what it is. 

There are so many questions that we must ask ourselves, as if we haven’t already been on a roller coaster of internal query already.

Simply speaking or sharing light and love is very important; and sometimes I cannot dig deeply enough to find anymore to offer. In those times, I must be still. In resting in stillness, I create an opportunity to tap that deep well within which more energy is present for the waning light within me when I feel it is beginning to dim. 

When we are afraid, we hold on to what is familiar. Yet, letting go of what is familiar is where our true emancipation lies. I believe that O’Donohue calls us to examine the inner contradiction by looking at our negativity. Even as I type this, I know that my negativity – however subtle I think it is – always pulls me down and into a place that isn’t comfortable.

Like many, I do my best to maintain a positive outlook, attitude and perspective. And as a human, this can be difficult at times. And I know as I continue to examine my thoughts, beliefs and feelings, I will revalue what I consider to be negative. Therein lies a treasure, if I linger long enough to see it emerge.

O’Donohue continues:

Rilke used to say that difficulty is one of the greatest friends of the soul. Our lives would be immeasurably enriched if we could but bring the same hospitality in meeting the negative as we bring to the joyful and pleasurable. In avoiding the negative, we encourage it to recur. We need a new way of understanding and integrating the negative. The negative is one of the closest friends of your destiny. It contains essential energies that you need and that you cannot find elsewhere. This is where art can be so illuminating. Art is full of intimations of the negative in ways that allow you to participate imaginatively in their possibility. The experience of art can help you build a creative friendship with the negative.

The dance with negativity is part of the important work of remembering who we are. This work is both supported and challenged by where we are. The times we are in seem ripe for a deep exploration, integration and reclamation of those essential energies. 

I send my best wishes to all, as we all continue to navigate the bumpy roads and white water of our human experience.

With gratitude to Loco’s Photos for permission to use this beautiful image.

 

 

poetry – my furrowed brow

Carrie Cannady

I don’t even know you’re there

until I feel you.

 

that tightness.

tension that slowly captures

the sides of my eyes,

my jaw, my lips.

 

when I feel these, I

know you’re there.

I have no need to see you

with my eyes,

for you have already captured them.

 

my only response

to the feeling is to ask questions.

you are always so quick to answer.

 

your responses reveal the

growing concerns in my mind.

the rational mind, you say.

 

my heart says these thoughts,

concerns are not rational.

they are borne of fear

of the unknown,

fed by the known.

 

my heart says,

come home.

you are borne of love.

 

in returning home

the mind rests.

it has learned to trust

what the heart knows.

 

the eyes relax.

they trust the wisdom

of what they see when

they close.

 

the jaws relax.

they trust the wisdom

of a body – slowing down

to connect to its life force –

the breath.

 

the lips relax.

they trust the breath –

to come and go, rise and fall –

it’s inherent rhythm.

 

The wisdom of the heart

to be love,

to be trust,

to lead.

my forest, your forest, our forests

Carrie Cannady

The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.

  – Ralph Waldo Emerson 

I came across this quote a week or so ago and paused to reflect upon its meaning…to me.

Among the many reflections a few questions arose.

What choices have I made?

If an acorn creates a thousand forests, and I consider my life an acorn, what have I created?

Collectively, what have we wrought?

We still have many options and opportunities to make changes which more accurately reflect who we are, and it begins with each of us individually.

It matters. It all matters.

Every thought.

Every choice.

More specifically,

Every action we take.

Everything we write, post or speak.

Everything we choose TO do.

Everything we choose NOT to do.

It matters. It ALL matters.

Happy International Peace Day.

 

 

With gratitude to Loco’s Photos for this and many images used on this site. 💚

this being human

Carrie Cannady

If you are at all familiar with Rumi, I’m sure you are aware of his poem, The Guest House. I return to it frequently, especially when I feel a little off balance…or a lot off balance!  I refer to it so often lately, I’ve printed it and now use it as a book mark in my journal. I include it at the end of this post, if you would like to read it again.

I generally keep myself out of the dark recesses of my mind, wherein I can be returned to the ego’s powerful reminders of what I am not, what I do not have, or any number of those types of things, rooted in past experiences that were unpleasant. In my heart I know and feel differently. And…I am human. This being human is very challenging these days. If the pandemic and all of its concomitant suffering were not enough to see, hear and feel so deeply, I am feeling very weary going in this year’s election. I am heartened by the activism of so many people. Without the helpers, where would we all be?

And yet, the sickness gripping our country at this time – the non-COVID one – is enough to keep us all despairing that we will ever get out of this. And yet, I am here. Now.

There was a time in my life when I was quite adept at minimizing my own feeling of sadness or despair – my own suffering – by comparing my situation to someone else’s apparent situation; emphasis on apparent. We cannot know much of anything about what we observe in another, even if we think we can. When I used to do all of that comparing out – it gave me a moment of comfort, of not feeling so bad about my own situations. And of course, pushing down those feelings didn’t take care of them. They simply piled up deep inside. Depression eventually ensued and of course, I got help.

Today, I honor my feelings – all of them, including those which are showing up lately.

Just the other day, I started to remember all of what I have been missing as we all cope collectively with a pandemic in a country and a time in our history, where there was no effort to create a nationwide response that would have made a huge difference in every way for every one. Because some of us respect the power of this contagion, and some of us do not, there isn’t a lot of traveling that I feel comfortable doing at all. Outside dining is supposed to be ok, and I’m not even going to do that.

This time of year is quite lovely where I live. Visiting local wineries or breweries and going on short hikes, sitting outdoors in the cool Autumn air is something I always look forward to. Hot air ballooning is another fun activity to enjoy in the Autumn. The stunning Fall colors below, as you float so quietly above the earth are beautiful to see…and the morning sunrise from the air, breathtaking. Visits to family members in other states, or a late summer/early fall beach vacation is always nice. Enjoying a quiet coastal town when all of the vacationers have returned to their respective homes is a wonderful experience. And…well…not this year.

I cannot say I’ve spent much time “missing” any of these until recently. Perhaps it is the “escape” aspect of it all that feels so appealing in these days of so much uncertainty.

I feel I am not alone in the myriad feelings about the complexities of our days. Even as I reach for higher, spiritual connection and comfort, I am still human. This being human…well…it’s challenging some times.

To soothe my aching heart, I pray and meditate and write. To navigate the challenging waters of my human experience in these times, I read and listen to historians. Their life long study of so much of the nation’s and world’s history provides a context for the possibility of a future that we can create together that is more loving, addresses the seemingly endless list of disparities laid bare for us to see now, and begins to heal the planet that we have collectively ravaged for far too long.

And…I keep my eyes and heart wide open.

 

~ ~ ~ ~

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

– Rumi

essay – thoughts and observations about hate and healing

Carrie Cannady
No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
  – Nelson Mandela

The quote above is from Long Walk to Freedom, by Nelson Mandela.

~ ~ ~ ~

The country I live in, like many others across the world, is seeing it’s ugly underbelly of fear, hate, and violence in full view, as it seeks to be seen and while seeming to take center stage. Anyone who lives here or watches from afar, has seen it becoming more visible. It has always been there, and many of us (me included) had or have been so busy minding our lives – working all of the time, raising children, tending to families, etc. – that we may not have been as aware of the deep pain of ongoing and systemic racism, income inequality, and all manner of rule making and policy development that codifies and grounds the practices which both underlie and underline the existence of all of these.

If the pandemic has done anything, aside from the devastating loss of life and income with the concomitant grief of so many losses, it has provided the opportunity for us to slow down and look; to observe what is endemic to our way of life. The loss of life at the hands of those who have “sworn to protect and defend” has been occurring for far too long, and is now seen in ways it never was before. The advent of technology – put so easily into our hands – has changed everything. What had been hidden is visible. Along with that visibility has been an uncovering of the laws which protect those with the power, when their use of force is inappropriate or too much. It’s reminiscent of the laws that award power largely to the white male establishment (patriarchal power) at the expense of humans of color, women and children of all races, and those who live on the very margins of our “democratic” societies.

How is all of this related to hate?

Let’s first recognize that hate has its roots in fear. Hate is a derivation of fear; an expression of the same. Then, as we reflect on what we have seen, heard, and read some clarity emerges. Fear of the loss of power is playing out in full view today. Fear of the loss of power and control; fear of the exposure of what is and has been hidden, are just some of the examples so visible. Could this be the outer reflection of what is within us?

~ ~ ~ ~

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of policemen in my community at an annual dinner sponsored and provided by a local foundation. Many of us from the community participated in serving meals to officers – “serving those who serve”. A few members of the community were invited ahead of time to make some remarks.

My Dad had served as a police officer until he died in another community in another state. So, participating as a volunteer member on two community teams as a part of their implementation of community-based policing, at the time, felt like an opportunity to give back and in so doing, to honor my Dad’s service to his community. Although I no longer have a copy of my remarks, I know that I sought to honor and thank the officers and their families. In addition and regarding safety in particular, I recall this phrase with great clarity, “When fear meets fear, the outcome is never good.”

Today, I know there was so much I simply did not know about the overall structure of laws in this country regarding qualified immunity, among other long standing laws designed to protect officers. I have no regret about my involvement with my local police agency or my sentiments about it or my words of gratitude and encouragement when I spoke. I grew up in a police family – and that comes with many, many thorny issues – and I know the dangers officers face, the cost of that chosen profession, borne by them and their families…and they are all human. And so are the people who die at their hands – human.

~ ~ ~ ~

My reverence for life is real and fundamental to my being. And it is often a painful place from which to observe the growing and increasing light being shown on the underbelly of crumbling societal structures.

It is easy to sit on one side or the other of what we are seeing in our collective experience. It would be easier still, to shame, blame or otherwise criticize these conditions and those involved. Yet, to do so is to be lost, caught up in the very fear, hate, and accompanying anguish that all involved are feeling – even if they can’t quite connect to the experiences in the same ways those of us so clearly see as we objectively observe them. Condemning it does nothing to change it – or to begin the healing process at the core of the pain associated with the outcomes of these seemingly intractable societal realities.

What exactly IS possible?

The easy answer is to remember our hearts. Is pain there? Yes. Indeed, the pain that we may no longer feel, because we have chosen to bury it, is still there. It is awaiting our return to see, feel and heal it. Until and unless that happens, we remain locked into our minds with deep festering wounds.

The journey from our overthinking and fear-based mind, to our soft and loving, yet aching heart, is very short, as measures go. However, the journey – the work and our commitment to it – can be longer and fraught with remembering past hurts, questioning (“why me?”), and downright resistance. Who wants to go there anyway?

Well…as we look around, among our family and friends, our communities, cities, states and nations, it is easy to see the vivid and real outcomes of living the resistance to going within to face, embrace and heal all that deeply aches in our hearts…and may even have manifested elsewhere as dis-ease in our bodies. And yet….this is the work of our lives.

It has been said, that in my country, we collectively elected our shadow in the previous general election. The shadow self is that part of us that we have consciously or unconsciously disowned.

“We’re often afraid of looking at our shadow because we want to avoid the shame or embarrassment that comes along with admitting mistakes. We feel that if we take a deep look at ourselves, we’ll be too exposed. But the thing we should actually fear is not looking at it, for our denial of the shadow is exactly what fuels it. One day I looked at something in myself that I had been avoiding because it was too painful. Yet once I did, I had an unexpected surprise. Rather than self-hatred, I was flooded with compassion for myself because I realized the pain necessary to develop that coping mechanism to begin with.”
— Marianne Williamson,

The quote above is from The Shadow Effect, by Deepak Chopra, the late Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson.

~ ~ ~ ~

Generally we are terrified to take that first step to having a deep, long look at ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are too busy, can’t find the time, or cannot do it alone. And…we do NOT have to do it alone. It’s never quite as dark and ugly in there as we thought it was, once we take those steps.*

Our shame about past choices, actions, and spoken words, is so great, we often cannot find a way to forgive ourselves and we therefore are unable to offer forgiveness to others. Ignoring our aching hearts creates ripples that we are not fully aware of. The implications of not doing this work are significant – for our health as individuals and for the health of our families, communities, nations. Indeed the healing of the planet (our natural resources) will not occur in the ways we may intend (the thinking self) until we make that journey into our hearts to heal (the feeling self). Head and heart are important partners, when they work in partnership.

“Feeling is the language of the soul. If you want to know what’s true for you about something, look to how you’re feeling about it.”
 – Neale Donald Walsch

The quote above is from, The Complete Conversations With God, by Neale Donald Walsch.

~ ~ ~ ~

By virtue of being human, we are born with and from the light of our Creator. When our light dims, we are experiencing separation from that awareness of what and who we are. We all have this light. Some of us have experienced what feels like the dimming of this light, and the ensuing darkness of the emotional clouds which feel like they have completely extinguished this light. And yet, like the sun, it never stops shining. It is always there, shining bright with the love that is who we all really are.

As we continue to observe the situations, conditions and events from which we can no longer avert our eyes and hearts, let us all consider our own darkness. Doing so creates the opportunity for us to take that first step toward acknowledging what aches in our hearts; to embrace with love and acceptance the child, young adult, or adult within who is hurting; and to continue the journey to the heart of our being.

From that place, we can begin to heal ourselves, and all that is hurting in the world outside of ourselves  – our families, our communities, our cities, our states, our nations.

Love is always there…waiting for us to return to being that which is our true nature.

This heart was drawn and colored in by one of my grandsons years ago. The artistic creation of a child – representative of the heart of the child within all of us.

 

*Without the therapists, spiritual directors, and many other healers with whom I have worked, my journey might have been far more difficult. Having traversed the challenging road back to myself, I offer a compassionate listening heart to those who are curious about the journey for themselves. I refer, when necessary, any person to the appropriate experts if their needs are well beyond a what a listening heart and soft inquiry can provide.

what do we think we know?

Carrie Cannady

“What we have before us are some breathtaking opportunities disguised as insoluble problems.”

—John W. Gardner

There are days, when I look around at the world we live in and I wonder if and how we will make it through the multiple crises that we seem to be living in. It all seems intractable.

Then, I remember. I can relax, because nothing is under control. To be honest, there was a time in my life when I would have panicked at the very idea that nothing is under control. Today however, I am deeply grateful. If all of what we are seeing and experiencing was happening because everything was “under control”, we would be in a far worse place. The mere fact that nothing is ever “under control” is a powerful gift of living possibility!

I also have seen more clearly how very differently we all see the current milieu. I have been watching the posts of many friends on Facebook, and watching how many people in the various circles in my world appear to be swirling around, or sometimes even flailing about, over some current topics. It is quite apparent that many are seeking to change the minds of others – which in itself is a fruitless effort and only misuses vital energy.

What is also true is that we all have inherent or implicit bias. What makes inherent bias so dangerous is…it is unconscious. When we are not aware of our biases and don’t slow down to consider their origins, we continue to project, attempt to “change minds” and end up creating more distance – which is generally not our intention! It is in being completely unconscious to our most basic biases and instincts that we create gaps in relationships of all kinds. The unintended consequences are that we can find ourselves alone, even in a group of like-minded people.

Leading our lives includes being completely responsible for ourselves – our biases, our behavior, and growing up…as hard as it is. It is the work of our lives!

I’m a believer in the power of asking questions. However, even in asking questions, we are either aware or unconscious when we inquire. For example, consider questions like this:

“Why do you believe….?”

“Don’t you see that…?”

This even feels like an inquisition! I’m being asked WHY about my beliefs, and being shamed a bit about my belief with the second question. Is there a different way to ask questions like these? Well, yes, if you are really interested in learning something that may be very different from your own perspectives on the same topic. For example, different questions might look like this:

“Would you mind telling me a bit more about what you believe and how you came to believe that?”

A follow up question might include a request to expand upon a point or two…and that would certainly indicate that the person asking the question was clearly and intently listening, and was interested!

And the outcome? The other person feels seen and heard. And quite possibly, the relationship begins to expand – to open; and the person asking the question may begin to learn something that he/she had not even considered in the past. Can you imagine what could be different in our world, if communication was intentional, and people really cared enough to listen and learn, rather than talking all of the time? If you are a participant in social media, I invite you to read through your newsfeed or whatever you see in a platform you participate in, and attempt to view it all as an objective observer. I wonder what you would see. Would you recognize your triggers? Would you feel you have to react or correct someone else? Listening or observing from a position of defense is far different than listening or observing from a place of openness, and honest curiosity.

Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.

 – Frank Tyger

 

Intractable =  hard to control. Relax…nothing is under control.

Clearly our inherent biases keep us from hearing or seeing others. This is part of being human. Even when we do our work, we practice observing and asking questions of ourselves, we are still carrying around biases. It is our job…and ours alone…to recognize and question ourselves about our biases as we notice an internal (or even an external) reaction to something/anything. Most questions about beliefs that another appears to have are best asked of ourselves first. If we understand the origins of our beliefs, we are more likely to be curious about another’s beliefs. If we do not examine our own, then we seek, accusingly, to know what the other person’s positions are and why.

My intention here is NOT to minimize the very serious societal issues that we are facing in the world in 2020. In fact we are facing many very serious issues with devastating consequences every single moment of every single day. I wish for us to awaken to the ways we might attempt to make it better. Brow beating those we perceive as being part of the problem will not add anything useful to the process of healing and creating anew what must be addressed. Taking the time to listen and to consider our own inherent biases will allow us to know that others have biases just as we do. They may or many not be different. We will never know if we don’t even care to inquire. We have two ears, two eyes and one mouth for a reason.

 

If you make listening and observation your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talk.

 – Robert Baden-Powell

 

disorder

Carrie Cannady

Dear Readers, I hope this finds you today, in a place of relative calm in a world that feels so out of “order”. The world does feel “out of order”, more or less chaotic at times, and the future is anything but clear. I do feel, however, that out of all of this will grow, albeit slowly, new seeds which are being planted now.

For the last three weeks, I’ve been reading a series written by Fr. Richard Rohr, of the Center for Action and Contemplation, on the topic of “order, disorder, reorder.” There have been several daily writings in that series which have inspired me in deep ways and given me much to contemplate and consider. Today, what he shared resonated in a different way. Perhaps because I am a mother and my sixth grandchild was born earlier this month. What is quite beautiful to me in reflecting upon the entire piece, is that one doesn’t have to have given birth in order to understand the powerful metaphor presented. In fact, the period we are living in at this time, has felt like a period of labor…before a child is born. We are all living in this right now, whether or not we see it through this particular point of view.

Fr. Rohr shared an excerpt from Valerie Kaur’s most recent book, See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love. I offer it here for your reflection and discernment, if not clarification of where we all find ourselves in August, 2020.

“The final stage of birthing labor is the most dangerous stage, and the most painful. . . . The medical term is “transition.” Transition feels like dying but it is the stage that precedes the birth of new life. After my labor, I began to think about transition as a metaphor for the most difficult fiery moments in our lives. In all our various creative labors—making a living, raising a family, building a nation—there are moments that are so painful, we want to give up. But inside searing pain and encroaching numbness, we might also find the depths of our courage, hear our deepest wisdom, and transition to the other side. . . .”

The spiritual journey, that road we walk in order to find and heal ourselves, can feel like a long series of “labor pains”, until we transition…we let go…we find our freedom from fear. Does that mean we are finished? We have made it to the top of the mountain and we can live an easier life? No. It’s a bit like caring for our children. The joy that comes when we receive them is challenged by fear when they are hurting and we cannot seem to “fix” it; or when they begin to test the boundaries of rules and safety that we create (or impose) and we grow concerned for them as they enter the big world of unknowns. Yes, the ups and downs there are very similar to the ups and downs we continue to face as we live our best life and walk our spiritual paths.

What changes, then?

The way see, what we see, from a place of love, peace and acceptance within, is different. We develop a different lens through which to view and experience our life’s challenges. The challenges don’t stop coming. The ways we respond – rather than react – do change.

As we live in this period of disorder, I feel the very best we can do is care for ourselves, so that we are well equipped to help others. Not all of us can be out in the world, on the front lines as so many people are. That, by itself doesn’t mean we cannot help another. We do it every day. The words we say or write either help or hurt. The choices we make either support or separate – ourselves or others. It’s all connected, anyway. Chief Seattle’s quote – which I’ve used here before – really gets to the heart of just how much impact everything we do and say affects the collective.

Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.  – Chief Seattle

The disorder has within it, the seeds of reorder. Truly we are planting them every day.

What we choose today is creating tomorrow.

With gratitude to Loco’s Photos.

 

If you or anyone you know is struggling to come to terms with the chaos we are living in and could use a compassionate “ear with a heart attached”, please have a look at the Compassionate Listening page on this site.