Tag: courage

circles, ovals and infinity

Carrie Cannady

Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace.

– Albert Schweitzer

I remember, as a child, a little game in which we all held hands in a circle, sang a little song as we stepped sideways and around and we then all fell to the ground and laughed! Sometime we would get up and do it again, adding a little bit of speed to the singing and the movement. It was a lot of fun and we always seemed to erupt into lots of laughter and giggles!

Thinking about that the other day, I started to reflect on the meaning of a circle. Then I looked out the window and right in front of me was an oval, encircled with trees and bordered by a sidewalk, with lots of grass in the middle. It is a circle that has been stretched…just a bit. I always enjoy watching dogs and their owners playing there, and I occasionally see a couple of folks sitting on a blanket, enjoying a picnic and playing guitar. It is a lovely little place that feels like a small oasis in the midst of my community.

Then, I remembered the figure eight. It is one circle, stretched into an oval, I thought, and then one side flipped over…never breaking the circle. That is the sign for infinity ♾️. Infinity was described to me, years ago and in a spiritual context, as the symbol for the ongoing existence of a soul; the middle of the symbol – a doorway. One side of the symbol represents our human experience. The doorway is where we shed our human body and our soul continues into the Great Beyond or Universe or home to God, or whatever you prefer. Of course that same doorway is an opening to entering (or re-entering, if you will) as a human. It is a never ending process, beautifully depicted in that symbol – as it was described to me. It is an image that I find to be both powerful and comforting.

 

Life is a full circle, widening until it joins the circle motions of the infinite.

– Anais Nin

All of this is to say, that these  – the circle, the oval and the infinity symbol are much softer than a square or rectangle. And yet as we observe our world, we can clearly see the edges, the divisions, the lines – drawn between.

Circles create an opportunity for us to see. We can see each other – everyone. There are no corners in which one can hide. When I think of the world, of community, I always think of a circle. Today I see so many places where the edginess of fear, anger, hate and other such divisive emotions are acted upon. And I wonder…what might happen if we put a circle where that square is.

The sun is round, the moon is round. What might we learn from the energetic power they have? How might we see how the sun is a life giving force for our human existence? When will we wake up to what is possible, rather than allowing ourselves to remain mired in the despair of a seeming loss of control (as if we had any control to begin with)?

 

All things from eternity are of like forms and come round in circle.

 – Marcus Aurelius

leading ourselves

Carrie Cannady

Until the great mass of the people shall be filled with the sense of responsibility for each other’s welfare, social justice can never be attained.

– Helen Keller

Each of us is responsible – individually – for ourselves. We lead ourselves, whether or not we are fully aware of this awesome responsibility.

Each of us can choose to lead from a place of love and compassion for self and other – or we choose only for ourselves, without regard for other(s).

As I watch and reflect on what is happening in my country, I cannot help but wonder if it is happening elsewhere in the world. My guess is, that it is – at least to some degree. As much as I had hoped that we might all begin to find a different way forward in the midst of a sweeping pandemic, quarantining at home with some opportunity to reflect and observe; I wonder today, how much this time will have made a difference in the myriad ways we see ourselves and others.

No one outside ourselves can rule us inwardly. When we know this, we become free.  – Buddha

On this Memorial Day weekend in the US, even the opportunities to pause and reflect upon lives lost in wars past and present, seem to get lost in the fray of those who feel their rights have been violated, by the necessary quarantine. It is curious to me that at a time when a nation seeks to honor those who have died in past wars, ostensibly for the purpose of maintaining freedom for our country, we seem to be more locked down, internally, than ever.

What could I possibly mean by that? Well… I have another question.

Why do people protest about their freedoms, guns in hand? Do they believe that are not free? I wonder why they perceive their rights have been violated. Do they still have breath in their lungs? Do their hearts still beat? I wonder if they stop to consider those who have been lost in this pandemic – those whose lungs filled with disease, and were ultimately robbed of a beating heart – for just a moment?

~ ~ ~ ~

*I am not ignorant of the economic impact of the quarantine in the lives of so many people. In fact, I could write quite extensively about the many cracks and gaping holes in our fragile societal fabric, which have been laid bare in this time. The condition of our planet – the place we live – has improved and risks returning to its very sick condition – a pandemic of a different kind. We cannot look away any longer. To do so makes us complicit in perpetuating the ongoing suffering of all, from sentient beings to the living and still trying to breathe planet Earth, our home. The authentic leaders in all of us are needed…to begin to right these wrongs, to make different choices. I acknowledge this reality and am comforted by the work of communities to care for those, living at the margins, who are often forgotten and left without. Those who tirelessly stand for our planet and those who open their hearts as they reach to those who need the simplest of things to survive deserve our gratitude and support.

~ ~ ~ ~

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. – Nelson Mandela

Until and unless we realize that our freedom is truly an inside job, and that no one can grant us freedom – not another person, not another organization, not another government – many will continue to suffer in their fear, wrapped in the tight embrace of their beliefs that something as important as freedom, is being withheld.

The chest-beating, gun-wielding, deserve our compassion. For they have not yet found their freedom within – inherent in the precious Life they are given to live on this planet.

I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.  – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

If we are leading our lives with authenticity (from the best of ourselves within), we take responsibility for the choices we make. We may consider the impact of our decisions if we can foresee them before we step forward. Or, if we couldn’t comprehend an outcome, we take responsibility for not knowing and we make a different choice. We apologize for the unintended consequences, if others are affected, and we move on, enriched by the experience, so that we add to our growing wisdom.

The outer world doesn’t always make it easy for us to lead our lives. There is so much noise – distracting, challenging, shaming, blaming, etc. – which pulls us away from ourselves. Why? Because we all yearn to fit in. The siren’s song of fitting in – by itself – takes from us. It is the definition of allowing ourselves to be lead by the noise of the outer conditions and files narratives about what is valued.

We abandon our true essence for the shiny objects of money, power, the biggest and best anything, all for the purpose of fitting in and rising to the top (of what? I’m not sure.)  Are we leading ourselves? Sure. Some would argue that they made the choice to go for it all…all of the marbles, the brass ring as it were. At what cost, the marbles, the brass ring, the fitting in or rising above?

True love, freedom and peace are found deep with us. The shiny objects hold no sway when we know who we are and what is most important. Our service to others comes from a place within of love and acceptance. We offer our best, not our worst. What we offer is us – our trues selves – not a dressed up version that is driven by thoughts and shoulds.

My hope is that as the days, weeks and months unfold, we will see and honor our own fragility. This is the doorway into the most vulnerable places within. This is the place where our courage to be ourselves lives. It awaits our arrival. If and when we find our way home to ourselves, any outer acts of service – including non-violent activities on behalf of those who are not seen and whose voices are not heard – have the greatest chances to make a difference. The love in our hearts is the home for our growth, healing and evolution. The evolution of inclusion, acceptance and peace is within our grasp, I just feel it.

 

Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.

– John F. Kennedy

the beauty of poetry

Carrie Cannady

Dear Readers…

I hope this post finds you well, as you continue to navigate this period of time we are experiencing collectively. We are finding our way forward in different ways. For many of us, writing is one of the tools we have and use to walk gently through the days. Whether it is a deeply personal reflection in my journal, or a quote or quotes which inspire me to offer something in this space, I find comfort and solace in this creative process.

Some years ago, I found myself actually writing some poetry. When inspired words came through me and made their way to the end of my pen, I was often surprised by the bursts of words and phrases and the ways they flowed onto the page. As quickly as those poetry moments came, they seemed to dissipate. It would be easy to attribute that to a number of things, like life events and other distractions. What I know today is the inspiration which seemed to evaporate was more about the changes I was moving through within myself. I even found myself in a deep dark place within ( a dark night of the soul) – where I’ve spent many years of my life – and not feeling my connection to God or Spirit. No poetry, no meditation, no journaling…nothing was happening. I had no energy for any of it.

Among the many who write in these spaces is a poet whose words are inspiring and create opportunities for thoughtful reflection. Recently, she began hosting writing groups. I found myself drawn to the opportunities she announced on her site, flashlight batteries . I also found myself backing away from the opportunities, due in large part to my lack of confidence to bring forth anything meaningful in such a process. I am forever grateful to Alicia Grimshaw for her gentle leadership and support as small groups of us participated with her in the safe space we created together. I have found my inner poet…again.

I encourage you to have a look at her invitation (at the link in the previous paragraph), and consider what is in you that may be awaiting an opportunity to be expressed. This is truly a gift you can give yourself.

Below…one of the poems I wrote during one of our group meetings.

 

I wake in the night

to the sounds of the house;

creaking, cracking, startling.

 

I’m reminded of Presence –

the mystical, the grounded, the unknown.

 

My children appear in my minds eye;

their smiles, their joys, the uncertainty.

 

My heart aches for a moment;

their fears, their children, what they cannot know.

 

I listen…

To Spirit, the voices of love and compassion, peace.

 

The calm softly enters…

my breath, my heartbeat, gratitude.

 

Sleep…

 

what we cannot see

Carrie Cannady

Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark.

– Elizabeth Gilbert

It can be said, that some among us fear that which we cannot see.

It can also be said, that we often choose to turn away from that which we prefer to not know or see, as it might erupt something within us that we cannot know or see and…see the previous statement.

I feel it is fair to offer here, that in these last many days of staying at home, we’ve had opportunities –  if we chose to avail ourselves of them – to seek that deep place within us that we cannot see and perhaps feel or know is there. We are afraid to “go there”.

These are the times, and this is the call – the call to go there.

Fear shows up in our lives in so many places. The way we heal it depends largely upon our willingness to notice…to notice within ourselves the places (thoughts, beliefs) where we may be stuck. “If I acknowledge that this situation or condition exists outside of me, then I must consider that it exists within me.”

Our ability to hide from ourselves is well honed. It has been reinforced in all of our societal norms and experiences from the moment we took our first breath – from familial experiences and habits to religious training and experiences to individual experiences of pain and betrayal in relationships. We cover our wounds with beliefs and thoughts and stories, and then commit to never going back into that place ever again. Sadly, our fear of what we cannot see, or choose not to see, also holds our greatest opportunity for healing and thus living more fully and authentically, this precious life we have.

I continue to learn that contemplation and waiting, rather than pushing and “making things happen” is the path forward. When we are still, we hear. What we hear or become aware of in those moments, can provide the next steps in our healing journey while we simultaneously walk softly toward what is yet to unfold – one present and precious moment at a time.

When change winds swirl through our lives, they often call us to undertake a new passage of the spiritual journey: that of confronting the lost and counterfeit places within us and releasing our deeper, innermost self – our true selves. They call us to come home to ourselves, to become who we really are.

 – Sue Monk Kidd, from When the Heart Waits

 

The “change winds” have been blowing lately, wouldn’t you agree? I wonder what you are being called to undertake in your own personal journey…

 

With gratitude to Locos Photos.

 

 

 

upside down

Carrie Cannady

Dear Readers…

I feel sure that many of you are watching the news…and are keeping a safe distance from it. A steady diet of it is not what any of us need.

This is a time when our ability to observe the world, our communities, and how the results of past decisions are affecting our collective ability to respond.

In the US, as we looked forward to some of the promised financial relief, it is abundantly clear today that it hasn’t even come close to addressing the ongoing and growing needs. We continue to fail those who need this assistance the most, while the big and wealthy continue to benefit. Indeed the upside down nature of our society continues to be exposed.

I will not list all of the systems which have failed us all, world-wide for many, many years. Wherever you live in the world, you likely see it. If you haven’t seen it yet, I encourage you to, as objectively as possible, consider what is happening, even as reported numbers of cases and deaths increase.

There are the unseen, the uncounted, and unsupported which will likely not make it into these numbers. The marginalization of so many for so long is right in front of us. How did we arrive at this point in our history? I will leave the answers for you to discern from where you are geographically and from within yourselves.

What many of us know is that activism can only be useful if it is born from a place of love deep within. Until and unless we have embraced the wholeness of who we are at our very core, our actions may be imbued with anger…which will not be useful in the long term. What I see as I look around is a lot of love. People are reaching out and helping others with love in their hearts.

I also see a lot of anger. What we resist persists. What we look at (or embrace as our reality) disappears.

Have I mentioned that words have power? Social distancing is a term that has an energy of separation. Yet, many are finding ways to be in touch  – or connected – to loved one, friends and colleagues. Physical distancing is what we are really doing. Social distancing is NOT.  Do you see this as a war? When we are at war, the energy of resistance is what we create and perpetuate.

Scientists are working with all of this as they test, analyze and seek ways to help us move forward safely. Working with any situation is how we move through and beyond it.

See the upside down nature of our societies?

Take a moment, if you will, in your mind’s eye, envision the following:

A tightly packed container, filled with marbles of many colors and sizes, with a lid holding the marbles in place.

The container is clear so you believe that it is fully transparent and you can see completely through it.

You believe that you see all there is to see. You therefore believe what you see and you quickly move on to whatever else it is you have to do.

And then the lid comes off and the marbles spill out. They roll everywhere – for that is the nature of beautiful, colorful and small, round spheres.

You see the marbles rolling around everywhere and suddenly you begin to see the many different marbles from within the center of the container that were not visible to you when you looked quickly before and thought you saw every one of them.

Some of the marbles are clear. Some have a small bit of color and are otherwise clear. Some are solid colored – you cannot see through them. And you begin to realize…they are all different. Many were not seen until the container was open and turned upside down.

What can we possibly take from this?

Here are a few observations. I encourage you to consider your own individual observations.

  • None of us is the same. All of us have different stories, experiences and needs.
  • What we thought was true, was not true.
  • What we thought we saw was not what was really there.
  • When they all fall out, do we discard some and not others in order to try to fit them all back into the container?

How can we address what is now spilled before our eyes? How can we put it all back together? Maybe we don’t spend any of our precious creative energy trying to force everything back to where it was before.

Maybe we see this as the breakdown…for a breakthrough.

I am additionally reminded of the Japanese art of, Kintsugi. What is broken is repaired in ways that make what is broken even more beautiful.

That is the opportunity we have now…in our upside down world. We can see what we did not see – or chose not to see – before. We may not know exactly how or what we will create going forward. We do know that what we create will not resemble what we had before. Don’t we?

 

unmoored

Carrie Cannady

“The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity.”
― Andre Gide

It may seem odd that I would begin a post with this quote. However, where we are, collectively in this part of our human experience has created an opportunity for us to examine those places within ourselves where we may have ceased to perceive our  deception of ourselves. If you believe “the outer reflects the inner” as I do, you may be able to readily see where this is visible outside of us…compelling us to examine our individual self-deceptions.

When we become unmoored, it can be very scary. No longer tethered to something stable, sound or secure, we may feel lost; without an over-structured schedule or life; perhaps even feeling that we lack a guide for what is next or how we will find our way forward. Many are also talking and writing about a new, as yet undefined, normal.

Before the “new normal” begins to unfold, we must each let go of what defined our collective past. What, you wonder, might some of those beliefs, thoughts, habits, and actions might be? We need look no further than the places – no, the people –  most affected by the virus and if still healthy, are feeling the rippling impacts the most.

Rather than developing a list of all of the affected groups, segments and the greed that seems to know no bounds, I will simply offer this.

Contemplating the upside down nature of our human collective as well as the blatant disregard for all beings in nature, including Mother Earth, is probably a good place to begin the development of the new normal. Each of us has something that we are currently contributing to the wholeness of our world right now. Perhaps our reflections will lead us to making different choices, or to expand what we are currently offering.

Anything IS possible. It is in our creative imaginations and dreams that possibilities will dawn and we will find our way forward – together.

For now, may we all find comfort in the unmoored time we are in. As challenging as it may be, it is only in this liminal space where we will realize the potential for many new possibilities as we work together to create new ways of being on our now healing Mother Earth.

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
― Andre Gide

 

This is a picture of a beautiful and very meaningful print that was given to me as a gift.

 

 

 

 

 

small things

Carrie Cannady

On my desk sits a quote on a piece of pottery that is cradled on a small stand. Made by a local beloved potter, it is a special piece. I am a lover of quotes and when I saw this one years ago, it touched me then. I’m sure that many of you know it and are pretty familiar with it. Somehow, today it seemed to take on a very different meaning.

In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.

 – Mother Teresa

Many are finding this time to be especially challenging for all of the reasons that we are probably familiar with. Some are finding opportunities to accomplish projects and other tasks that had been on a very long list of to-dos. Still others are finding their way back into nature to see and observe the beautiful messages that Spring offers, if we watch and listen. Spring always reminds me of beginning again. And here we are.

We are awakening from Winter’s rest. Look around and you can see this is true of all of the beautiful plants, flowers, and trees are beginning to bloom. The birds are singing their beautiful songs.

We are awakening to so many new things in our world right now. Whether we are waking up to seeing our loved ones – near and far – in different ways than we have before, or mourning losses of loved ones, friends, jobs, familiar ways of life; nothing is the same as it was before. Grieving these losses is important. Our individual grieving process will take us as long as we need for it to take.

I’m reminded of a lovely poem by Rumi*.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

                             Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

                             Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

                             where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

                             Don’t go back to sleep.

Perhaps you are familiar with this poem as well. However, I offer it here for your thoughtful reflection. As we continue living in this liminal space, may we pause to reflect on what the message in this poem may be – to each of us individually.

May we also offer prayers of thanksgiving for the many people on the front lines of this pandemic – from the health care workers to all who work to support the supply chains, the firsts responders, the multitudes of volunteers who are helping others in all manner of situations.

Our gratitude can be their blessing.

We are awakening to the many aspects of our world including the multiple systems which haven’t supported all people for far too long. In our upside down world, may we also see what we need to see (rather than turning away); have the courage to throw away the old worn out thoughts, beliefs and choices which no longer serve; and open our hearts to the beauty of a brave new world, which we can all be a part of creating in our own loving way.

We can all do small things with great love.

May we remain awake…and not go back to sleep.

*From: “The Essential Rumi”, Translations by Coleman Barks (1995) New Expanded Edition

courage and it’s companion – pain

Carrie Cannady

Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

 – Socrates

I watched and listened to and Demi Lovato’s performance on the Grammy Awards the day following the performance. Listening to the lyrics, the simple music accompanying her voice, and feeling the depth of the emotions as she sang, transported me back to a time in my life when I felt the isolation, desperation, and separation that she so courageously expressed in her performance. Her very survival of an overdose and the subsequent bare honesty with which she expresses her feelings in that song, written prior to that event, are worth our compassion and reflection.

I was recently talking with someone about addiction. Although I believe, as Richard Rohr has asserted and discussed in a recent series in his Daily Meditations, all are addicted to something (habits of minds, ways of doing things, substances, a job, etc.*), the conversation was about nicotine. At one point in the conversation it was asserted by the person with whom I was speaking that I couldn’t possibly understand addiction and that reading a certain book might help me better understand it. As I continued to reflect on this conversation, I recalled Ms. Lovato’s poignant performance, and my experience that many people don’t understand depression, either.

It’s easy to look at someone like her and think that perhaps she “has it all” and wonder how could she possibly find herself in such a dark place. I’m quite certain there are many who knew me during the period in my life and might have had similar thoughts, had they known of my condition at the time. Even those closest to me didn’t understand. I was quite adept at being the person I thought I had to be to remain successful in performing my job responsibilities and parenting my children.

I write today to remind everyone that we have no idea what is going on in someone – anyone – else’s life. Even those we may live with or are closest to day-to-day may be struggling within themselves with thoughts, feelings and forces unknown to those of us who are “on the outside”.  Can’t we begin to extend that kind of awareness to everyone we see, pass on the street when we are walking, or observe doing something seemingly unconscious behind the wheel of a vehicle?  A practice of compassion and acceptance can go a very long way in our very divided world. In fact it can, quite literally, change it!

We tend to judge, often harshly, those who are different or behave in ways that we don’t understand or necessarily appreciate. And yet, if we were watching ourselves in those moments of judging others, I wonder how we might feel about the person we are watching.  I feel it is so very important to remember that we are all walking the same ground on this planet at this time.

The complexities of living in this world – different places and societies  – cannot be understated. Addiction and depression have their roots in our attempts to “fit in” to what we have been shown or taught is the “way to be” if we are to survive or get ahead. Living up to what becomes our individual expectations of ourselves can be, and often are, impossible. This, by itself, is a sad commentary on who we are collectively, isn’t it?

The courage to be the beautiful individual that each of us is, is something that some of us seem to have more of than others. And then again…do they really? Or are they trying to make it appear that they do…as I did and so many of us try to do. Often it takes a crisis for us to wake up to our true and authentic selves and begin living fully into who we are, without fear.

May we practice a deeper approach to offering kindness to every single person we encounter in our journey of each day. May we also remember that each of us has impact – with every word, and in our behavior – on the whole of our experience. Choose to be negative, judgmental – that is a contribution. Choose to be positive, kind – that is a contribution.

If you didn’t see Demi Lovato’s performance at the Grammy Awards Sunday evening or online since, see if you can sit quietly and listen deeply and then check in with yourself to see how you feel. You can also see the video embedded in a well written piece on the performance in an article published at The Atlantic.

Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.

 – Chief Seattle

*these represent my interpretations of what Fr. Rohr intimated in his series on addictions.

sitting in darkness

Carrie Cannady

 

The world feels very dark to me these days. My concerns are many and my feelings…raw. I look at the trees, slowly changing color, and realize that nature in the northern hemisphere is moving through shorter days and longer nights…more darkness. Enjoying the colors makes the transition easier to walk softly through. However, the conditions in many countries, including mine feel dark, deeply divided and deadly. In times like this we often wish to distract ourselves in any way possible or to simply “check out” to avoid the reality of the feelings these times can evoke.

I believe – even though it is challenging for me, too – that as individuals we have an opportunity to dive in. To dive into the darker aspects of our being…to plumb the depths of our psyche, our experiences. This is where we find the opportunity to heal ourselves so that our lights shine brighter. When I find my self in these dark times, I read, write and spend time just being quiet. Some of what I’ve read today has brought some solace and offered a crack into the lighter parts of my psyche by reminding me of my humanness.

One quote from John Lennon and Yoko Ono really resonated as I watch the great divides in my own country seem to widen. “Don’t hate what you don’t understand.” If only we might all slow down to consider that there is so much that we do not understand, and either do some research on our own or pause and allow processes to unfold without our taking sides or otherwise contributing to the hateful slinging of words swirling around us. Indeed, so many feel they are right and others are wrong. And Wayne Dyer’s words ring in my heart…paraphrased here: When you have a choice between being right or to be kind, choose to be kind. This seems out of reach for us when we are so angry or in despair from our own experiences and all we seem to see around us is more of the same.

Healing the hatred that may be simmering is an inside job. It is ours alone – no one else’s – to do. Until and unless we do our work on ourselves, we will find it extremely challenging to offer love, compassion and peace to those whose words and actions are harsh, disparaging and ugly toward others. This IS the work of our lives.

Some us, by nature feel these feelings perhaps a bit more deeply than others – and neither is right or wrong. We are simply different. Honoring our differences is foundational to being able to offer love, compassion and peace to those with whom we differ on perspectives, feelings and beliefs.

With gratitude to Anne Whitaker at Writing From the Twelfth House, I offer the following poem that she shared in her blog post this afternoon.

The Place Where We Are Right

From the place where we are right
flowers will never grow
in the spring.

The place where we are right
is hard and trampled
like a yard.

But doubts and loves
dig up the world
like a mole, a plow.
And a whisper will be heard in the place
where the ruined
house once stood.

– Yehuda Amichai

May we use the changing of seasons –  the natural seasons in whatever part of the world we live in or the storms of the political seasons – to create quiet time to reflect. As we contemplate our own dark feelings and experiences as a path or journey to finding our way back to the brighter light within…of love, we will find peace within. We need this for ourselves. Our fellow humans need this. Our planet needs this. NOW.

conscious love or unconscious fear?

Carrie Cannady

One of my favorite quotes – and one which is a guidepost for me – was written by Rumi (with whom I share a birthday, 750 years apart).

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

― Rumi

Most of us might say to ourselves or others, “I don’t have any barriers to love within me!” I’m quite sure I said the same many years ago when I first came upon this quote. However, I am reminded when I hear others making disparaging remarks, e.g., judgments about those who may be different (without knowing anything about them), that fear and hate are deeply unconscious. The words we say and the thoughts we think can seem far louder than any words we speak about our love for someone.

If we are truly honest, we might admit to having spent time and energy at some point judging ourselves harshly and then, no doubt, offering some of those same judgments about others, even if we did not speak them aloud. Do you see what is hidden there? Our self-judgments projected onto others – as unconscious fear.

Being or becoming conscious of love isn’t as easy at it may seem. Children find this easy – as it is their first nature until they are taught otherwise by the experiences of their outer world. Our healing of our second nature or learned habits is essentially what I feel Rumi is speaking of in the quote above. And then, I recently read the quote below by Fr. Richard Rohr and it all came together so beautifully.

The words “conscious love” ring true for me as a definition for our life’s purpose and the goal of all spirituality. When we’re conscious, we will always do the loving thing, the connecting thing, the intimate thing, the communion thing, the aware thing. To do the unloving thing is always to somehow be unconscious at that moment.

-Fr. Richard Rohr

Realizing that we have second nature wounds which comprise the deep well of our fear, anger, judgments and negativity, is an important early step in beginning to remove the barriers to love within us. Doing so is also essential to living an authentic and more peaceful life. And as Fr. Rohr reminds us, it is conscious love which is our life’s purpose. Everything that we are, that we do, that we choose, flows from that place. We are love…because we come from love.

Finally, I am reminded by so much of what I’ve learned on my journey thus far, that the work of uncovering and seeing and feeling deep wounds is not easy. In fact, it takes courage – to start; to stay with it, especially when it becomes harder to do; and to honestly claim that you see and feel lighter as you trudge through yet one more dark night of the soul. Brene Brown has offered so much to us through her extensive research and her stories, as told in all of her books. My favorite is one of her early books, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.  I end this post with a quote from that book, which can serve as an early roadmap to making that all important trip back to our first nature (conscious love) as we heal and release our second nature (unconscious fear).

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough. Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving—even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”

– Brene Brown

*This is a photo of a drawing by one of my grandsons more than a few years ago.